What I Learned My First Week of School...

Some days I think of my blog in my head and have every intention of posting it that same day.  Well, I have started back to work and it is all consuming and I was just going to sit here and gush about how much I love my new job, it is stressful at times, but I love the people I work with and I love my students.  But, then life happened and it made me rethink things. Isn't it funny how God knows what you need and when you need it.  For the first of the week  (Monday - Wednesday) I have been bringing home a few things to work on every night.  I am a workaholic and I know this.  I have constantly told myself that I need to leave work at work and I have even had multiple conversations with multiple people in the past 2 weeks about the importance of this, but I am hard headed.

Anyway, after leaving work at 5:45 (I technically get off at 4) on Wednesday I told Wes I would do better and not bring anything home.  So, Thursday I left work at work, didn't even bring my calendar home, and thought it would all be good.  However, God had something different in mind. 

Wednesday night T woke up and wasn't feeling well. Being the child of a doctor I called Dad and had him listen to T over the phone (at 1AM). We did what we could that night and that morning he said he was feeling better.  So, he went to school. Well, school called Wes that afternoon and Wes went and got him.  Thankfully, Wes got in with our pediatrician that day and I just knew it would all be fine.  Well, I should know better.  T is my TE Fistula child, my child that when he is down, he is D-O-W-N. It isn't a simple cold and he is all better. In fact, this child does not even slow down for a cold.  T tends to be a go big or go home kind of child - in regards to illness. Another unfortunate trend is the track record Wes holds when taking T to the doctor. If T has to go with his father for anything other than shots, we are typically in for a week/weekend full of illness.  This was no exception.  I got the call I always get when Wes takes T for a sick visit...we are going to be admitted to the hospital.

I BURST into tears. He is my baby. Now, when T was born and had surgery I went to some weird place. I am not sure if every Mom of a NICU baby does this or not - it is like a survival mode. My feelings are there, but I am not in touch with them. Now that T is better in regards to his life-threatening illness, I don't go there anymore. I just feel for him. I can't hide it, he is my baby.  In my head I am going, "hasn't he been through enough? make me sick...anything, just not my kids".  Well, I go get Addison, run home, let the dogs out, pack a bag for T and me, try to remember what I need (despite my poor second born, amazingly patient child crying downstairs because it is time for her to eat and get ready for bed - why she does this at 5:30, IDK).  I call my mother-in-law and arrange for her to watch Addison so I can get to the hospital.

T has the croupe with a stridor - I am still not sure I completely understand it, but it doesn't matter, by baby is sick.  I get to the hospital in time for him to get an IV, have another breathing treatment, and cry.  For those of you who don't understand how croupe is treated, you are exhausted (as with any illness) but all the medicine to treat it hypes you up. So, T gets a breathing treatment, gets hyper for an hour and a half, sleeps for about an hour and gets another treatment. It was a LONG night.  I was up pretty much all of it (so excuse the constant use of parantheses and grammatical errors) and that would be the night I bring nothing home. Yep, that thought crosses my head and that is what led to this blog.

Why does it take something this big to make me realize it. It doesn't matter what is going on (good, bad, or ugly) I need to separate from work. My kids are growing up, getting sick, finding feet, and changing daily and I am too busy to notice. Why? What is so much more important than them? Not have a stack of stuff to do on my desk? I will never catch up. There will always be something else. I get why some people work late - like my Mom - I know if my sister and I were still young, it would be different, but it is easy to explain to my 61 year old father that she will be late because she wants to catch up.  I complain about Wes working so many hours then I get a job and do the same thing - when contractually I don't have to. Yes, some nights I will, but not every night - I don't need to bring work home. I need to be home when I am home. If I consume my life with my students, I miss some pretty amazing things at home.

So, to Wes, sorry I have been hypocritical. To T and Addi (if you ever read this) I apologize for not giving you my full attention - the attention you deserve this week. To my amazing co-workers, thank you for picking up my slack as I miss the first Friday of my first week of school - ya'll are great and I owe you one, but I do not need to stay past 4 (unnecessarily) to make it up and ya'll don't expect me to. To my parents/in-laws/aunt, thank you for the help you gave us these past two days (and I am sure this weekend) Wes and I are doing the best we know and we could not do it all without you.  So, Sara, the School Counselor, I am glad you love your career and you want to do well, but if you don't do well for yourself and your family - you will not be the best school counselor to your students.

This, this huge lesson (that I have to put into practice) is what I learned this week. PLUS, don't write an email while you are on the phone - I did and sent it to the wrong people...oops!

"Great-Pop"

Trenton and Addison are truly blessed to be able to have their great-grandmother here with them and Trenton has really grown to have a special bond with "Granny".  I was not fortunate enough to know all of my grandparents, I knew none of my great-grands, but I was able to remember my Mom's parents. Unfortunately, my Dad's parents passed away before I was 5 months old, so while his Mom (Granny Cree) was around, I do not remember her (something that truly hurts because from what I understand, I have her laugh). 

Anyway,  Trenton and his best buddy (Granny) are great friends! Trenton will ask to go see her regularly and we try to see her weekly.  When we go over to her house, naturally, Granny has pictures of her late husband, my Pop (who passed away in 2000).  Trenton always would ask about him and I want him to know his "Great Pop", so we would answer any questions, but most of the time they were as simple as "who that?". 

Recently, Trenton has become more inquistive.  When we leave our house, we drive by my Dad's old office and I told Trenton that his "Great Pop" built that for his Sir.  Well, apparently T has been listenting (to conversations I don't remember) and/or making his own deductions.  T is obsessed with building/construction/back hoes so it could me the latter. 

For the past few days, this has been our conversations:
T: My Great Pop made that.
M: yes, he did.
T: My Great Pop like to be outside.
M: Yes. (I don't remember telling him that)
T: My Great Pop like to build.
M: What did he build?
T: Sir's old office.
T: My Great Pop would be my buddy. He love me.
M: fighting back tears, yes he would.
M: Your Great Pop was also a Marine, a Drill Sargenant.
T: A Rine? Drill Gent?
M: Yes, he loved to play with back hoes too. You could have helped him when he worked outside.
T: My Great Pop is just like me!

So, Granny and I are going to do our best to make sure that T gets to know his Great Pop. Great Pop did have a construction business, he was a Marine, he did like to garden, and most days he would be outside from sun up to sun down.  I am sad that T does not get to know more of his great-grandparents (both my side and Wes's) but I am going to try my hardest (and Wes) to make sure he knows that they are with him.

Rise & Shine

I have been tremendously fortunate to have 2 children who like to go to bed early. Addison (almost 5 months) tends to come home from daycare around 4:45, eat her last 7 oz bottle around 5:45 and she is down for the count. So, by 6 Addison is asleep and she sleeps til 6:45AM if not later.  Trenton was very similar at that age and we truly did not do anything magic to make this happen - it just did.  Well, I am now seeing the bad side of having children who go to bed early - his name is Trenton.

Trenton gets to the point where he will put himself to bed. It could be 6:45 and Wes and I are trying to keep him up until 7 and he will tell us it is time to take a nap and go upstairs.  Recently, he has been staying up til 7 or 730 - sometimes even 8! Well, no matter what time we put him down, that precious, loud child is up early! The beginning of this week I was at a loss. One day Trenton would wake up at 5:00, then next 5:30, while not ideal, Wes is up around 545 every day, so this was manageable.  Let me explain what happens when T wakes up.  He sleeps with his door shut (2 dogs = endless noise).  When he wakes up he yells for me. "Mommy!" Precious, right? Not 3 seconds later, "MMMOOOMMMMMYYYYY" (louder).  Typically, Addison hears this and just goes back to sleep.  Tuesday, Tuesday was bad.  Tuesday "Mommy!" I was not even up, but Wes goes and gets him and throws him in our bed.  Normally, we sit there for a little bit before we head downstairs for breakfast (luxury of summers off), but I look at my clock 3:45AM! What!?! Trenton is ready to play and read a book and then rattles off what he wants for breakfast.  Um, it is time to sleep.  I try many things - showing him it is still dark, so we need to be asleep, ignoring him, nothing works.  Then, it gets a little more frustrating. 

When Wes puts T in the bed, Wes still lies just as though T isn't there, so I am sharing a side of the queen bed with my 2.5 year old.  Normally, this would be precious, but this morning he decided he wanted to hit me with his bear, kick me, tell me that he needs covers, then, the thing that pushed me over the edge, he started playing in my ear! I got up, walked to his room and hid underneath his comforter.  Next thing T comes in "Mommy, where are you?" He finds me.  Thankfully he goes back to our room, Wes puts him on the bed and I get about 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep. 

That day, Nona came over after her hair cut and helped me with the 2 of them.  She had a talk with Trenton, I had a talk with Trenton, Trenton's teacher had a talk with him, and something clicked! Naturally, the next morning 6:45 rolls around and he is still asleep.  Unfortunately, this was the day I had to be someone at 8.  I had dropped something in the bathroom earlier, but I just finish getting ready and go get T.  I open his door and he goes, "Mommy, you are loud". HA! Isn't he precious.

This morning, T was up around 6:30 and did yell for me, something we are working on, but (and I hope this is just a one night thing) he woke up at 1:00AM crying (bad dream?). He gets in our bed and the game starts again - kicking, playing in ears (this time his Daddy's) and finally Wes takes him back to his room and he goes back to sleep. 

So, while many people are constantly asking how I get my kids to go to bed so early - it isn't always the best thing.  Our next step, buy Trenton a digital clock and make a sign so he can match the numbers and know when it is acceptable to yell for Mommy. :)

Good Golly it is HOT

For those who have seen our house, you know it is not the most energy efficient home. It was built in 1975 and while there have been updates, there are some things that Wes and I would LOVE to change and will gladly accept donations to do so. However, our house is a good house and it does all the necessary things - protects us from weather, keeps us cool/warm, provides a place for memories, etc.  Well, this morning our house got its roles all confused. 

Trenton woke us up around 515, which is normal, and was in our bed and I realized I was so hot. This isn't abnormal as sometimes I forget to get out from under the sheets and comforter.  Then, Trenton said he wanted to ride with his Daddy (which means he gets to daycare at 6:30 when they open) and he wanted a pop tart, nu bar (nutrigrain bar), and milk.  I was up and running.  I go down to the bottom level (our house is tri-level) and normally I am met with cool air.  This morning, no such luck.  Typically, the first person up raises the temperature as we sleep in cooler temps than we leave it on during the day.  So, in my half-awake state, I raised the air, let the dogs out, made his breakfast, and fed the dogs.  All the while the air is still running.  I then look at the control- 79! Um, excuse me, it was on 70 all night, I just raised it to 75 and it is 79! So, I calmly start feeling the air coming out of the vents. It seems cool-ish.  Then, Wes comes down to eat breakfast - well, time to fess up.  I told him that it says it is 79 in here.  Then, he offers some of that husbandly advice that I always appreciate - it is hot, I will call someone, but you need to leave the fans on. What? Really? I shouldn't turn them off? I am the one here all day with 2 dogs, but you are right, wouldn't have thought of leaving the fans on. 

T and Wes leave for school/work respectively and I take a cold shower. I am normally not hot natured, but this summer I just can't seem to get cool.  After I shower, I get my precious Addi (who never cries) and she is as happy as she can be. A little warm, but happy.  I take her to daycare and I think overstay my drop off time just to enjoy their cool building.  I leave there to take care of something for Wes and then I contemplate what to do - stay in my car, go run mindless errands, go to the grocery store? Well, I am waiting to hear from Wes on when the guys will be here to fix it and I don't want to waste gas driving around and then I realize something.  Just how ridiculous can I be? yes, my air is out and my house is a touch on the warm side, but it is still a safe place with memories, my family is healthy, I have a job, my husband has a job (something that not every family is blessed with - 2 working adults to bring home a paycheck), I have precious children who were happy and excited for the new day, and then I just get over it.  Our blessings FAR outweigh our little air problem. Sure, by the time it gets 90 in here, I may be a little fussy, but I just have to remember the things that count.  Life is full of setbacks, but this is absolutely manageable.   Now, we may lose a dog by the end of the day - I am realizing just how pampered our two rescued dogs have become. You would think they were sitting on the sun the way they are panting.  :) So, we will get it taken care of and hopefully it is something easy, but all in all this will be a good day!

The Terrible 3's!

I am not sure why people say that 2's are so bad. Trenton will be 3 in November and I am here to tell you that it isn't the 2's, it is the beginning of the 3's.  Granted, T has trouble sleeping in and I know that has something to do with his behavior, but really, I am already dreading the rest of the 3's. I know, I should enjoy every minute, and I do, but there is a time when enough is enough.  The ironic thing is every thing I get frustrated with him for doing, I remember my parents yelling at me for the same thing! Payback is a bitch - I know my parents enjoy watching it all transpire. In fact, yesterday I told Mom, "Trenton is turning into a 3 year old and it is wearing on me".  Mom's response, "I hated 3!" Good advice, right? But there really is no advice - stay fair, stay consistent, stay sane? All things that have been true for every other year. 

T gets up at 5, 5:30 if we are lucky.  Yes, all those out there who want to give me advice, we have tried keeping him up later - it doesn't work.  So, we are met with a child who now (like every weekend) is taking a nap around 8/8:30.  In the meantime everything is a big deal - I mean EVERYTHING. Trenton, it's time to clean up, please help clean up your toys. His response (with kicking feet and lying on the floor - something he has NEVER done) "NOOOOOOO, I don't want to - I not clean up my toys! cry, cry cry".  Yesterday I told him that he cries more than his almost 5 month old sister - and he does. 


Wes and I are entering this stage cautiously; however, he still has those stinkin' cute moments when all the hissy fits, all the leg kicking, all the crying for no reason fades away and you remember why it is such a blessing being a parent. 

So, whichever Trenton we get at any minute - we love him, we will enjoy the ride, and we will all grow a little bit from every tantrum and every giggle we share. We love you, Trenton!

Back to Work

Since I haven't been blogging so much, not many people know just how stressful this past year has been.  I went part time at the bank and found out I was pregnant in July 2012, started my practicum and internship August 2012, left the bank October 2012, started applying for jobs December 2012, interviewed the beginning of 2012, had Addison March 2012, kept interviewing, graduated May 2012, got a job July 2012...whew! Well, I was stressed for a few reasons, but found that I really struggle with worry.  Throughout this process I had so many amazing people helping me, praying for me, guiding me, loving me, it was crazy.  Anyway, I signed my contract and I now am officially back to work - this time as a school counselor.  I have to say that not many people get a job right out of college. Many of my grad school friends were not so blessed and I imagine things are not easy for them. 

I am so excited to start work but I am realizing just how fast-paced and unpredictable this job is - and the kiddos haven't even come back from summer break! I have been asking questions, working my fanny off and trying to get up to speed on all I need to know.  Thankfully, I am working where I did my practicum and internship, so that takes some of the pressure off, but it is still a lot.  I am looking forward to this upcoming year and hopefully will be with this school for many years to come.  So, thank you to all who helped in the job hunt process - now, please pray for me to survive my first year!

"Heffer and who that other man?" - Trenton Ellis

Many people have heard this story - many times I am sure, but when I worked at the bank, I could not stand my "boss".  Her name is Heather. (Trenton calls her Heffer).  My first day at the bank, this is what she said to me, "some of us are getting together tonight for a Girls Night Out. You can come if you want, but you won't know anybody, so you probably don't want to come." What!?! Who says that. I remember going home and complaining about her and how I did not want to work with her and I would not ever talk to her about anything, just work. Well, we all know that I cannot just sit there and not talk! The first little while was a little more quiet; however, our other teller friend was a mute. I love her, but she didn't talk.  Our conversation consisted of "What brought you to Georgia?" She was from Florida. Her response, "change".  Well here in the sweet state of Georgia/South Carolina - that is not acceptable. Now she makes fun of the fact that by the end of a conversation I know your blood type and social security number. 

Anyway, I finally decided that I needed to give Heather a fair shot.  Well, there were still days that I was not so sure if I would even survive.  Then, along came news of Trenton. I am not sure why this is what changed everything, but it did.  I started at the bank in November, got pregnant that February.  Heather and I had been talking more, but I feel as though the bond really strengthened when T was announced. 

Heather stepped up and was more interested and concerned than some of my long time friends.  Ironically, this is a woman that does not want children (at this moment - maybe never) and who will not even hold a baby.  Heather was there for me through it all.  Every sick day, every craving, every mood swing. Even if these things meant she had to sacrifice and come to work sick because she knew I could not be there.  When T was sick, she was there - constantly. She would not complain about me missing work again for another doctor appointment or about me extending my maternity from 6 weeks to about 8.  I didn't get to go to her wedding because of my fat pregnant self being too big to travel and T's complications, but she still did not complain or even whine.  What I love about her is the fact that she is always there - caring, honest, empathetic - she is there. She even helped to coordinate a shower for me at the bank.

Well, about a year ago Heather left the South. She and her husband left for Maryland. (see pic of going away dinner below) That was tragic.  I was excited for her - she got a great job and a great opportunity, but selfishly I didn't want them to go. You see, Wes and I do not have a lot of couple friends. We have tried and found a few, but Heather and Doug (who Trenton kept saying, "who that other man?" Apparently Doug is hard to remember if you are almost 3) did not even flinch when Trenton would be crying as we attempted to play Scattegories. In fact, they even try to take our dog, Baxter because he and Doug have such a special bond. 

Those of you who know me well know that I am not a good long distance friend. I am working on it - slowly, but until recently my life was school, work, kids, husband, house...well, now I am graduated, but still find it hard to make a simple phone call with a baby crying, dinner cooking, and the laundry piling up.  Heather gets that.  I blog about this because they came back "home" to visit.  It was A-MAZING. Granted, I didn't get to see them as much as I would have liked, but it was great to have one night with them. 

I thought that she would come back and it would be awkward. I haven't talked to her as much as I should and she was the sweet friend who sent Addison a present that she started working on as soon as I found out it was a girl.  A Tennessee onesie, pants, and tutu for football season.  Not to mention, she makes all of my shutterfly books, thinks of my children when she goes places, and even remembers both mine and Wes's b'days!  It was not awkward. We picked up right where we left off. To me, that is what makes it one of those long-lasting, never-failing friendships. I am sure I have done stuff to piss her off. I know she gets frustrated at my lack of communication, but she gets me. She understands that I still care and I am here.  In fact, she was my motivation for bringing my blog back to life. Last night, we did play Scattegories and last night they did not flinch when Addison and Trenton were crying.  Heather played with Addi while I dealt with T, they just go with the flow.  We shared some laughs, some memories, some drinks, low country boil, and made some more memories.  I am sad they are going back, but so blessed and genuinely grateful for our night together.  Heffer and who that other man? we love you and miss you already. Ya'll have been amazing friends and I am truly grateful to have you in our lives. It is our turn to come visit you and we are so excited.  Thank you for always being there consistently and for getting us.