What I Learned My First Week of School...

Some days I think of my blog in my head and have every intention of posting it that same day.  Well, I have started back to work and it is all consuming and I was just going to sit here and gush about how much I love my new job, it is stressful at times, but I love the people I work with and I love my students.  But, then life happened and it made me rethink things. Isn't it funny how God knows what you need and when you need it.  For the first of the week  (Monday - Wednesday) I have been bringing home a few things to work on every night.  I am a workaholic and I know this.  I have constantly told myself that I need to leave work at work and I have even had multiple conversations with multiple people in the past 2 weeks about the importance of this, but I am hard headed.

Anyway, after leaving work at 5:45 (I technically get off at 4) on Wednesday I told Wes I would do better and not bring anything home.  So, Thursday I left work at work, didn't even bring my calendar home, and thought it would all be good.  However, God had something different in mind. 

Wednesday night T woke up and wasn't feeling well. Being the child of a doctor I called Dad and had him listen to T over the phone (at 1AM). We did what we could that night and that morning he said he was feeling better.  So, he went to school. Well, school called Wes that afternoon and Wes went and got him.  Thankfully, Wes got in with our pediatrician that day and I just knew it would all be fine.  Well, I should know better.  T is my TE Fistula child, my child that when he is down, he is D-O-W-N. It isn't a simple cold and he is all better. In fact, this child does not even slow down for a cold.  T tends to be a go big or go home kind of child - in regards to illness. Another unfortunate trend is the track record Wes holds when taking T to the doctor. If T has to go with his father for anything other than shots, we are typically in for a week/weekend full of illness.  This was no exception.  I got the call I always get when Wes takes T for a sick visit...we are going to be admitted to the hospital.

I BURST into tears. He is my baby. Now, when T was born and had surgery I went to some weird place. I am not sure if every Mom of a NICU baby does this or not - it is like a survival mode. My feelings are there, but I am not in touch with them. Now that T is better in regards to his life-threatening illness, I don't go there anymore. I just feel for him. I can't hide it, he is my baby.  In my head I am going, "hasn't he been through enough? make me sick...anything, just not my kids".  Well, I go get Addison, run home, let the dogs out, pack a bag for T and me, try to remember what I need (despite my poor second born, amazingly patient child crying downstairs because it is time for her to eat and get ready for bed - why she does this at 5:30, IDK).  I call my mother-in-law and arrange for her to watch Addison so I can get to the hospital.

T has the croupe with a stridor - I am still not sure I completely understand it, but it doesn't matter, by baby is sick.  I get to the hospital in time for him to get an IV, have another breathing treatment, and cry.  For those of you who don't understand how croupe is treated, you are exhausted (as with any illness) but all the medicine to treat it hypes you up. So, T gets a breathing treatment, gets hyper for an hour and a half, sleeps for about an hour and gets another treatment. It was a LONG night.  I was up pretty much all of it (so excuse the constant use of parantheses and grammatical errors) and that would be the night I bring nothing home. Yep, that thought crosses my head and that is what led to this blog.

Why does it take something this big to make me realize it. It doesn't matter what is going on (good, bad, or ugly) I need to separate from work. My kids are growing up, getting sick, finding feet, and changing daily and I am too busy to notice. Why? What is so much more important than them? Not have a stack of stuff to do on my desk? I will never catch up. There will always be something else. I get why some people work late - like my Mom - I know if my sister and I were still young, it would be different, but it is easy to explain to my 61 year old father that she will be late because she wants to catch up.  I complain about Wes working so many hours then I get a job and do the same thing - when contractually I don't have to. Yes, some nights I will, but not every night - I don't need to bring work home. I need to be home when I am home. If I consume my life with my students, I miss some pretty amazing things at home.

So, to Wes, sorry I have been hypocritical. To T and Addi (if you ever read this) I apologize for not giving you my full attention - the attention you deserve this week. To my amazing co-workers, thank you for picking up my slack as I miss the first Friday of my first week of school - ya'll are great and I owe you one, but I do not need to stay past 4 (unnecessarily) to make it up and ya'll don't expect me to. To my parents/in-laws/aunt, thank you for the help you gave us these past two days (and I am sure this weekend) Wes and I are doing the best we know and we could not do it all without you.  So, Sara, the School Counselor, I am glad you love your career and you want to do well, but if you don't do well for yourself and your family - you will not be the best school counselor to your students.

This, this huge lesson (that I have to put into practice) is what I learned this week. PLUS, don't write an email while you are on the phone - I did and sent it to the wrong people...oops!